Tuesday, October 24, 2006

 

Description-Draft 1

A Wonderful Girl Tracy

In the Taichung Park, I met a graceful girl "Tracy" this semester. I felt that she was a nice girl; thus, I decided to interview her.

Tracy grew up in Hsinchu County. There are four members in her family, including her parents, her younger brother, and herself. She is 20 years old now and studies in Taichung Institute of Technology. Besides, she majors in Applied foreign languages and lives in a tenement alone.

In addition, she loves to study very much. Her hobbies are playing basketball, reading books, drawing cartoons, watching cartoons, seeing movies, and going shopping in her leisure time. Moreover, she enjoys languages, especially English and Japanese. Yet, she hates someone who likes smoking and drinking alcohol because she thinks that the smell of smoking and alcohol is smelly. In her future, she wants to become a cartoonist and be an outstanding young lady. Also, she helps to give service to someone who needs help.

I think that
Tracy is a girl who is very hardworking and confident. I am glad a person such as Tracy is planning to become a cartoonist. Also, I believe that she would make a great cartoonist. After the interview, I find that we have a lot in common; for instance, we both love to see movies, go shopping and like languages. We may get together to see a movie in our free time.

I have never had a conversation with someone who I don't know. Therefore, I deeply thanks for
Tracy. I learned a lot of things from her. I enjoyed our time together.


Comments:
I think your draft is ok. But...Are you divide into six paragraphs? If not, I think you should correct the space.
 
I think the draft doesn't have big problem. If you can notice the parallelism of sentences, the essay will be better.
 
excellent!
 
wow.. Taichung Park. what a wonderful place~ I think "like language" is a little bit weird. May be you can say learn language or study language.~that's my opinion. Except these suggestion, you got a really good job~wow~By the way, may be you can teach me how to write the essay~come on~teach me... I'm a poor writer.I'll cheer up and 3Q for your suggestion.
 
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